We're driving along the coast on Highway 101, and the great Pacific Ocean is to my right for the duration of the drive. The fog hasn't rolled in yet, so the crashing of the waves and the varied pastels of the morning sunrise are stunning to me. I think for a moment on how I'd love to shoot this image.
My mind churns slowly over ideas, words, scenes from the last few years. I feel like I'm peering into a smashed mirror, shards disconnected and sharp, unable to see the distorted reflection in its entirety. It doesn't make sense to me. My thoughts are a jumbled mess.
20 years old and the only thing I want right now is a high to make me momentarily forget. Let me zone out, space out, check out; I'll deal with my problems and my relationships, but for now, just let me gloss my eyes over with a pill or a bowl or a pinch of this or that. I'm not ready for more disappointment. I'm not ready for more disappointment. I'm not ready for the bracing I must do to keep myself steady. And if no one else will listen, I will do it on my own. I have to and I will. With or without the world watching.
